


I Was Suffocating

by ChangeTheCircumstances



Category: Jigsaw (2017), Saw (Movies)
Genre: Adam Lives AU, Canon-Typical Violence, Drama, Gen, Logan saves Adam on John's orders, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Stockholm Syndrome, What if Adam was present through the movies?, surprise like you haven't seen that before!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-25 03:10:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16653178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChangeTheCircumstances/pseuds/ChangeTheCircumstances
Summary: John wishes for Logan to return to his life. He has so much to live for, his career and family. None of that should go to waste despite how Logan would follow John to the end. No, John knows he should move on as the games intensify but before that happens, he does have one last favor to ask. Should Adam Stanheight be alive, John has a way in which the voyeur could prove useful and win the game he'd thought he'd lost long ago.





	1. The Favor

**Author's Note:**

> Not that this AU hasn't been done before lol but I wanted to do a little spin on it with Logan being involved. For those wondering, it'll be a while before Lawrence shows up because I really want to do something different and make these two characters interact who never interacted on screen. The story could end up being shippy down the road for Lawrence and Adam but I'm mainly going to focus on just Adam and his descent into John's games and his budding enemy to friendship relationship with Logan.
> 
> I'm not sure exactly how long this will be but I'm looking forward to writing this. A little note too, the title is based on the song Control by Garbage. Definitely recommend listening to it as I think it definitely sets the vibe that I'm going for in this fic!
> 
> So thank you to everyone who reads it and I hope you enjoy!

“There is one last thing I need you to do.”

If John had asked, Logan would have worked alongside him to the end. But he had a life to live, a still new family to take care of. However, John was doing well with his other apprentices and Logan had other skills that could help people too. He couldn’t neglect that side of his life.

It hurt, knowing he may not be able to see John again after this. He was dying, part of which was Logan’s fault even if it had been an honest mistake. Logan still blamed himself, no matter how much John had forgiven him.

And now, now so much time had passed. People knew the name Jigsaw, created by the media and police. It wasn’t a very tasteful name but still one that was easily remembered. Through it, John’s purpose could be easily remembered. The name alone could change people, help people, and Logan gladly wished to help John in his final request.

They’d gone from singular people and small traps to much grander constructions. Logan had helped with the creation of several early traps, even a few that were planned for much later. Some Logan didn’t even know the full story of but he trusted John’s judgment. He just wished he could see them someday though those chances were slim.

Despite Logan's beginning though, John didn’t want him to carry on the work. He had a growing family he had to take care of, others that needed his attention besides the degenerates of the world. Yet to do that almost felt like starting a new life. God, how time had passed, enough now that John’s hair was growing back in after he'd quit the treatment. Doing so meant John’s life would be shorter and Logan hated it. But in a tragic way he understood too. John would rather put his last years, maybe only months, to good use and he couldn't do that while on chemo or in surgery.

And in order to do that and then insure his work live on, Logan had to do this last favor.

“She will go back.”

“Has she told you this? Do you know for sure?”

“I simply know. She talks about him. She is having trouble letting the past go and she thinks she needs to end something that has already ended.”

“So you want me to stop her.”

“No. No I’ve predicted what she will do but I need to know it for sure. If she fails, I will give her another opportunity.”

“You really believe in her,” murmured Logan.

“I do. Amanda…I will give her a chance. But should she fail this one, I wish for you to step in.”

“Despite how Adam Stanheight failed?”

“He was unwilling to sacrifice the flesh needed,” admitted John. “However, a person of his skill set will be needed in solidifying everything.”

“I could look for someone else—”

“No. No, it’s important to have someone who already understands my work. I don’t have time to start again.”

“And if he doesn’t understand?”

“That is why I’m entrusting you. Out of all that I have helped, I know you can turn his failure into success.”

John weakly walked over to a table. He was having to use the wheelchair more and more. It hurt Logan, seeing him like that but in his line of work and experience, he’d honestly seen much worse.

He handed a file over, hesitating for a second to hold Logan’s hands before letting go.

“Your instructions and his are in there should he live. If he should not, then the counteraction is in there as well,” said John. “Thank you for everything Logan. Now take your life in your hands and cherish it.”

“Always John.”

And with a heavy heart, Logan turned away and left.

He would finish John’s promise before he returned to Christine, still on that trip that he’d told her about, to visit an old friend. He went to his car and read the information there, both his and Adam’s. Now he understood why John had requested all those tools. Logan knew what needed to be done so after putting the file down he quickly drove to the old house. That place still had plans. John was hoping it would teach Amanda something by allowing her to partially construct her own game there with her own players.

Logan was unsure if she would succeed or not. Despite knowing of her a great deal, even Mark Hoffman, he’d never met any of them. He couldn’t put a personal opinion on them, but for John’s sake, he did hope Amanda succeeded. From what he could tell, she had more promise than Hoffman by far.

As the night grew darker, Logan took a small bag of some of his tools and slipped into the house unseen. No one could know the death that lay there in the empty, broken down street.

John had seen Amanda’s inability to let go build and build. He knew her enough to know it would happen tonight if it did at all. Would she kill Adam Stanheight? Would she cross the line that John had drawn in the sand?

Logan went around the house, looking over the traps that were slowly being finalized and constructed. He made sure not to leave a mark, staying out of the way when he heard the telltale sign of Amanda arriving. Just by her breathing, Logan could tell she was uncertain, torn up, broken over all this. Logan knew the first game she’d helped with was the one involving Zepp, Dr. Gordon, and Adam Stanheight. She must have felt responsible. But what would she do?

He moved to the basement area, quiet and careful so as not to alert her of his presence. The sound of the heavy, metal door screeching open could be heard and Logan held his breath. He could hear her crying, the noise bouncing off the walls.

The struggle happened, Adam’s cries muffled somehow though Logan could clearly hear the chain rattling.

The noise started to slow, to stop. Was he dead? Would Logan have to begin the alternative actions John had laid out?

He still didn’t move until he knew for sure that she was gone. He heard her close the metal door again, heard her walk away. He waited a few more seconds until she had to be out of the house. When he was sure the noise couldn’t reach her, then he moved. He marched to the room and forced the door open again.

Working in the labs, and only most recently the morgue, at the hospital meant that he hadn’t worked on a living person in a while. Yet the memories of going to war and the emergency medical attention that he had often needed to perform were present in his mind. Already, he was coming up with a plan as he pulled Adam up.

Logan checked for a pulse.

Near death. So very near death…

But not actually dead.

Amanda could have more effectively killed Adam if she’d focused on cutting off his blood flow to his brain and not the air flow in his windpipe. Despite his stilling, she’d let go too early. However, if Logan didn’t act quickly, Adam would die anyways. His lungs had already been weak and the trauma he’d just experienced had damaged him enough that he could possibly drown in his own blood.

Logan took out the remade key that John had given him, unlocking Adam’s shackles and pulling him out into the dim light of the hallway. He swung the shoulder bag around to better get at his tools. He lifted up Adam’s shirt, doing a temporary job of puncturing Adam’s lung in order to get as much blood out as he could.

Adam shuttered, more blood spurting out his mouth. It didn’t matter what fell on the ground. It would soon just blend into the rest of the filth there.

The puncture allowed Logan a bit more time so he got to work finishing the staging. Detective Tapp’s body was still in the hallway. Right now only a close look showed it couldn’t be Adam but by the time anyone was down here again, the body would be too rotten for a layperson to realize the difference. And as for the disappearance of Tapp’s body? John would explain it to Amanda if she asked but that probably wouldn’t even be necessary. Hoffman would assume it had been her. Amanda would assume it had been him. Both would figure it was by John’s orders and they would continue with the games without another question.

Logan took Tapp’s jacket off first, balling it up in the corner. Then he took the socks and shoes, the white shirt and jeans similar enough to Adam’s that Logan didn’t have to worry about switching those. There was even a gunshot wound in his shirt. It was in a different position compared to Adam’s but again, with any luck it wouldn’t be noticed by Amanda later on.

He then dragged Tapp into the room. He took the key out again and locked the shackle around Tapp’s foot. Once he placed Tapp in the position that Adam had been in, Logan quickly left and closed the door again. He checked on Adam.

Still alive. Good.

Logan very carefully picked Adam up, wishing he had a gurney or something to keep him more stable. His low weight helped in carrying him though, even if it would be a problem later on in trying to keep him alive.

They went back up and out to Logan’s somewhat hidden truck. He’d gotten the back prepped as John had ordered before he'd even come. Logan put Adam back there, strapping him down to keep him from being jostled too much. Then he went back down to grab Tapp’s remaining clothes and made sure everything else was left just as Amanda had left it.

With that figured out, he followed the next set of directions after assuming Adam lived. John had set up a great deal and now they were headed to one of the earlier structures where they had played a one-man game. The police had watched those areas for a bit but upon realizing the “killer” as they called John wasn’t coming back, they had to move on. Their forces were already spread thin. They couldn’t waste resources on an already cleared place which was just fine with Logan.

It was one of the smaller warehouses John had used when he’d been more mobile before his health had deteriorated even more. Now it was Logan’s workshop, for the next few days at least. Maybe longer if it became necessary.

He got out to open up the large doors and then drove the car inside. He closed everything back up, making sure that only the lights and equipment that were absolutely necessary were on. No light could be seen from outside.

Logan checked on Adam again and then began to set up the table to start the surgery Adam would need. There were saline bags and other tools that had to be set up first. Adam was severely malnourished and for the moment, he’d have to get the vitamins and liquids through an IV. Once Logan actually began the surgery though, he couldn’t give Adam any medication for the pain or put him under. He was so weak that his heart could give out or he might just never wake up.

Adam was strapped down in case he started to thrash around instead. He still didn’t appear conscious despite how much he’d been moved around. Logan organized his tools and then completely cut off Adam’s shirt. First the lungs, then the bullet wound, then any smaller cuts or bruises.

“You know, if you make it through this Adam, you’ll get to meet my fiancé,” Logan mused. “Her name’s Christine. I have no idea if you’d like her or not, but I know she’ll help. She likes getting people involved, whether it’s a simple family dinner or going out. If you live through this, don’t worry. You’ll join the land of the living in a way that John had always hoped you’d realize.”

Logan pulled up his mask and leaned over Adam. He started to cut into him in order to get a better and more secure chest tube in there. Once Adam was breathing easily, Logan could fully move to the bullet.

A pained, broken noise escaped Adam’s mouth. Bits of blood and spit fell from his lips. Logan wasn’t sure how aware Adam was but he kept talking to him anyways. It helped to past the time as Adam continued to choke, jolt, and flinch against the table.


	2. Planning Ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to anyone who chooses to actually read this! I'm trying to figure everything out in my head as I write it and I think it's coming along nicely!

This wasn’t the first long night Logan had dealt with. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, finally taking a step back and breathing more easily. He threw away his gloves and mask for the moment. Somehow Adam had made it. Honestly, his living for nearly a week after being left behind was remarkable. He was so skinny and weak. Logan might have to change his story to Christine just a bit.

Logan turned back to Adam, putting on a new set of gloves and going to clean him up a bit. The chest tube had been in Adam longer than usual but this was an unusual situation. He didn’t have any machines to make sure all the blood or other fluids in there were gone. Adam had also apparently remained conscious through it all, even the most grueling parts.

At that moment, Logan leaned over, pressing Adam’s arm hard. He groaned, the sound still a little choked and hoarse.

“I’m going to need you to take a couple of deep breaths for me Adam.”

A few more hoarse sounds escaped his lips. Though conscious, it was hard to say how lucid he was. Because of this, Logan decided to lie a little. He added, “You’re in a hospital. You won’t get better unless you breathe deeply for me now.”

“I…is i…i y…ou L…Law…”

“I need you to breathe deeply Adam. Three, two, one, now.”

Adam tried as best he could, his eyes barely peaking open but then quickly shutting again. He didn’t know where he was, or at least not concretely. If pretending they were in a hospital was going to keep him calm, then Logan would do it.

“Good. Now again.”

Logan watched the chest tube as Adam forced himself to do it again. “Ok, we should be able to take that out soon.”

Now to check everything else. He’d set up the IV first and checked it again, making sure Adam was getting his fluids. Then Logan looked over the bullet wound again. It had partially healed and with no signs of infection. He could have started digging in there to try and get out any fragments. However, Logan had tested the area by carefully moving Adam’s shoulder around before strapping him down again. It had moved relatively well and hadn’t seemed to cause any excessive pain. After applying some pressure, Logan had concluded no bones had broken.

If he had the proper tools, he might have been able to take out the fragments but as it stood, it would be better to let it heal than risk damaging the shoulder farther. It would likely be stiff for a while, perhaps for life, but most of its former mobility would return.

Then to the smaller pains. The cuts had healed and nothing looked infected though Logan cleaned the areas anyways just in case. The ankle that had been shackled to the pipe was bruised, likely from how much Adam had strained against it. Logan carefully wrapped it to compress it and then grabbed his smaller bag to prop it up. He then checked on Adam’s lungs again and determined his lungs had cleared themselves as best they could. He’d take the tube out but cover the hole instead of stitching him back up. If something happened, he could always reconnect it in an emergency.

“W…where?”

Logan’s eyes flashed back to Adam’s face. The man had moved in and out of lucidity, or so it had seemed. Perhaps he’d been a bit more aware than Logan had thought.

“Where do you think?” Logan asked, leaning over him.

Adam’s eyes just barely opened. He looked to the right before closing them again. His face started to contort. He was still weak but the overwhelming anguish was still able to build.

“N-n-not o…ut. N… st…ill her…”

“Yes, you are.”

Tears started to break out from Adam’s eyes.

“Now be careful Adam. We just cleared your lungs. We need to keep that breathing steady,” Logan ordered. He put one hand on Adam’s head. It was an attempt at a calming gesture as he placed his other hand on Adam’s chest. “Breathe in. Now breathe out.” When Adam didn’t immediately listen and risked becoming more hysterical, Logan’s voice hardened. “I said breathe…now.”

Logan pushed against Adam’s chest, only releasing when he needed to breathe in. Adam was still somewhat shaky but Logan took his compliance as a good sign. He hadn’t completely given up. He still wanted to live which showed there was still promise in him.

“Good. I’m going to need you to stay awake for a while. Once I’m sure we’ve gotten past the worst of this, you’ll be able to go to sleep.”

Though Adam’s eyes were still closed, he turned his head away anyways. “L…Lawr… whe…re…”

“I don’t know.”

Adam made a face, a mix of anger and pain and disbelief.

“I’m completely honest with you there Adam. John never explained if he succeeded or didn’t.”

Adam’s brow furrowed at the name John. Of course, he didn’t know it. He only knew of Jigsaw. He peaked out with one eye and then quickly closed it again.

“Fine by me. Just remember you can’t fall asleep,” Logan said.

Logan took a hesitant step back from the table. He waited, as if Adam might fall into cardiac arrest or something equally deadly then and there. But no, he remained stable. Logan finally turned away to see what else had been left by John here. When they’d first arrived, he had only grabbed what he immediately knew would be useful in keeping Adam alive. Everything else had been quickly pushed aside. Now he saw the spare clothes that had been put there, the food and saline bags, ready for nearly anything. Logan took stock of all this, counting everything out and figuring out exactly how long it gave them.

In the instructions that John had given him, after securing Adam’s life, the next set of actions would be performed at Logan’s discretion. There was enough here in case Logan had chosen to shape Adam here, to make sure his character was one that would complete John’s wishes. It wasn’t a bad idea. There was a reason John’s games were always contained. The captivity, the control over the player. There was an undeniable strength to it.

However, Logan had a fiancé he couldn’t just ignore. Despite finishing John’s last favor, Christine came first.

So with that in mind, Logan decided to take the time to make the call he’d planned in his head during the surgery. It was early but the night had come and gone. Knowing her, she would be awake now.

Logan glanced back to Adam but he didn’t worry. Adam was still strapped down so even if he wasn’t so weak, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything. Logan decided to just stay close enough so that if an emergency occurred then he could attend to it right away. Otherwise though, he gave his full attention to his wife to be.

Christine answered relatively quickly.

Logan leaned back and asked, “Hey, I didn’t catch you at a bad time, did I?”

“No, not at all! I’m just having breakfast with Judy right now. Everything ok with your friend?” she asked, amusement clear in her voice.

“Yeah…about that…”

“What? Am I finally going to meet him?” she laughed. “I know I said I’d be respectful of your space but the mystery of it all just keeps playing in my mind.”

“I can’t fault you for that. But um…I think…I think you might just have that mystery solved.”

“Wait, seriously? Who-are you alright? You don’t sound like yourself.”

“I um…this is going to sound pretty crazy. But I have a cousin and I was wondering if he could come and stay with us.”

“I thought your aunt and uncle didn’t have any children when they died in that car crash.”

“They didn’t. But my aunt did have a son out of wedlock. Way before they got married mind you! He managed to find me years ago in just some…crazy circumstances. Like this was back when he only had a bunch of phone books and probably a hundred stacks of paper. It took him ages but he wanted to know who his family was and he uh…he found me.” Logan paused, a shudder escaping his throat.

“But then why…sweetheart. What’s wrong?”

“He got injured. That’s why I never told you about him because he…it was bad and…he was in a coma. I didn’t think…well you know how chances drop after a certain amount of time but—”

“Oh god, Logan. I’m so sorry. Do you need me to come over? Just tell me which hospital and—”

“No, no he didn’t die today!” Logan let out a strangled laugh. “No he’s-he’s awake! That’s why I’m calling.”

He could hear Christine release her exhausted and clearly audible sigh. “That’s…phew, that is good news. God, you do not realize how close I thought I’d come to being such an ass.”

“You never could be one.”

“We both know that’s very much a lie,” she laughed. “So is that why you said this trip would take longer than the others.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“Well then I look forward to meeting him! You didn’t have to ask at all Logan. He’s your family! Actually the only family of yours I’ve had the chance to meet,” she kindly said. “And I’m guessing your cousin doesn’t have anyone either after all this time.”

“No, not really. But it’s um…it’s not just a family reunion I’m afraid.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll explain it better later but the way he went into the coma…it just made him come out a bit messed up. The doctors have been talking about institutionalizing him but I think that’s the last thing he needs. If it’s alright with you, we want to try and do a trial period. I think being around me and being in a proper home would do him a lot more good than some small room. To him, he’s already been trapped in a little room all this time.”

This time Christine didn’t immediately respond. Logan imagined that she’d already left Judy. If they were at his and Christine’s home, she was probably pacing in the main hallway. If at a restaurant, she’d probably snuck into a back alleyway to pace.

“I want to say yes,” she finally murmured.

“I hear a ‘but’ coming.”

“I just…oh god I feel horrible even implying this.”

“No, don’t. I know this is a huge thing to put on you and I don’t want you to feel like you have to lie.”

“Well…”

“Yes?”

“Do you think he’s dangerous?”

“No.”

“Logan—”

“Maybe to me. We’ve been going through some ups and downs but I’m willing to put up with that. As for you though, he would never hurt you.” That was something Logan at least felt sure of. Adam had always been the voyeur and the one moment he had acted had been a pure need to survive. John had told him little about the events in that room but from what Logan had learned, Adam wouldn’t hurt someone innocent. Perhaps he wouldn’t even hurt a guilty person. He’d only act if it was absolutely necessary and Logan couldn’t imagine a scenario where Christine would do that to him. “I mean it,” Logan added. “He wouldn’t hurt you. And he needs this, to be outside again.”

Silence again.

As Logan patiently waited, he walked back to Adam and nudged him just a little. The immediate flinch and attempt to arch his body showed that he was still awake.

“And this is just a trial period?”

“Yes. If it doesn’t work…I heed the doctors’ advice. But I can’t just put him in an institution without trying this first.”

“Alright, well if that’s the plan…”

“It is.”

“Ok. When will you get here so I know when to prep the spare room?”

“I’m not sure yet. It might be a full week. I’ll call you the moment it looks like we can leave though and I’ll call you if it looks like we’ll be a little longer.”

“Alright, that’s fine with me. You just have to tell me one more thing.”

“Oh?”

“What’s his name of course.”

“Oh! Right, it completely slipped me,” chuckled Logan. “His name is Adam. I’d like to imagine you’ll like each other but…”

“Well, we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?” He could hear the smile in her voice. “Just keep me posted. I won’t keep you any longer though. Get back to your cousin and just call me when you can.”

“Of course, love you.”

“You too. Talk to you soon.”

Logan hung up and turned his attention back to Adam.

“W…on’t b…e o…ut. Not if y…o…u ar…e the…re.”

“Glad to see we both understand that,” replied Logan. “You truly aren’t out of the woods yet Adam. Not for a long time.”


	3. Cousins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be Adam's point of view probably! Enjoy!

When in a long-term coma, a feeding tube was inserted into the throat. Through that, a mixture of all the necessary vitamins, carbs, and other nutrients could be given to the patient so that their digestive system could work fairly normally. However, Adam hadn’t actually been in a coma and he was in a very precarious state. At this point, if he ate too much, there was the very real chance it would tear up his internal system more.

Logan allowed him carefully planned sips of water but it wasn’t until that afternoon that he would try to give him more. He’d probably keep him on the saline drip through the night too, just in case.

With his body becoming more hydrated and his throat clearing, Adam should have been able to speak clearer. However, he’d kept his mouth shut for an extended period of time, almost stubbornly so. But when he did dare to speak, it ended up being the same question as before.

“Where’s Lawrence?” His voice was still a little sore but stronger now and more easily understood.

“I told you. I wasn’t given any information on him.”

It was obvious Adam didn’t believe him but instead of asking that again, he said, “Who the hell even are you? He…that person on the floor…if he was-I mean he had to be but then who—”

“My name’s Logan. Logan Nelson. I’m your cousin now,” he replied, somewhat amused at how confused Adam became.

“What the hell does that even mean?”

“Your name is Adam Jensen. I’ll admit, not everything with your identity has been set up but we have time. Besides, you were in a coma for several years. Things like accounts and past memberships have either been frozen or ended. You won’t be expected to own anything right away.”

“Those are lies,” hissed Adam.

“Like the lies you formed with your lens?”

“I never—”

“Cameras can be manipulated, even if a picture is more accurate than a person’s account,” replied Logan. “We both know you wouldn’t be here if you were more honest. And if you hadn’t used your talents to cause such misery.”

Adam stopped talking for a bit to ease the strain that had begun in his voice. He looked up at the ceiling for a long time before softly whispering, “I screwed up. It was…no. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault. I let life get away from me. It’s mine. I-I should have been stronger. Sh-should have tried harder.”

Adam’s eyes had slipped shut. As he trembled on the table, Logan came closer. He placed his hands near Adam so he could lean over and look down at him. Logan could tell from the way Adam squirmed that he could feel Logan’s presence but he didn’t say anything. He waited until Adam opened his eyes first. Only then did Logan murmur, “I almost believed you.”

Adam screamed. His lips stretched as wide as they could go, tongue pressed to the bottom of his mouth as his wind pipe widened. Logan wasn’t too surprised. He’d kind of expected this sooner. He waited, face unflinching as Adam’s breathing fell into painful coughs and his body shook.

“Are you done now?”

The only noise that came was Adam’s pained breathing. That screaming had taken a good bit out of him and Logan quickly double checked the place where the chest tube had previously been inserted. Good, it seemed he hadn’t hurt himself and though his breathing was ragged, it didn’t sound like any fluid was starting to build up again.

“We’re on the outskirts, in the areas where even if someone did hear you, no one would care enough to call the police,” Logan honestly answered. “I can tell you understand you’re still playing the game. You still wish to survive, so stop doing anything that could risk harming yourself. You’re weak, and I only have about a week to get you healthy enough to go home.”

Logan walked off to grab some more water for Adam. After a moment’s hesitation, Adam parted his lips just enough to except it. Logan helped Adam prop his head up and was gentle in putting his head down. Logan would be harsh when he needed to, but there was no reason to give Adam an unnecessary concussion. Despite his outburst, it was clear Adam’s stubborn nature had helped him to pull through all this. However, his will to live and his new understanding of the game didn’t coexist with his stubbornness.

The fact that Adam had accepted the drink showed he was slowly sacrificing bits and pieces of his pride. He hadn’t been willing to play before. He’d been rash and acted too quickly. He’d refused to play properly and give up the pound of flesh required. But now he just might be willing. He was finally breaking.

As Logan placed the water to the side, Adam spoke again. His voice had degraded a bit, but it wasn’t quite as bad as when he’d first woken up.

“How am I your cousin?”

“A few words here. Some very simple faked documents and bam! It’s as easy as that,” smiled Logan. He leaned against the table and over Adam again. “After all, we’re only fooling a few people now. We’ll be able to build up a proper background for you later.”

“What if I don’t play along?”

“Honestly? It won’t really matter. Not for right now anyways.”

“How?”

“You’ve just woken up from a coma caused by a rather dramatic home invasion incident. Your mind is damaged and needs time to heal. No one will fault you if you don’t remember things or say outlandish things.”

Adam closed his eyes again. He looked like he wanted to cry, perhaps to even scream again. However, he forced the noise back down his throat. Only a small sniff came out. It seemed like Adam was done for the moment so Logan took the time to make himself some food and finally focus on things other than Adam and John. He called work to double check that everything was going ok and he wasn’t needed. He also looked through his text messages, responding to one of encouragement from Christine as she said she hoped everything was going well.

Adam seemed to go in and out during that time, exhausted from his revival and the screaming he’d done. Logan regularly urged him to drink water, eventually going to equally neutral drinks with some more nutrients in them. He decided bread would be the first solid they’d try to see if Adam could keep it down.

Other than the back and forth nature of checking between Adam and other things, there wasn’t much else for Logan to do. He yearned to call John as questions still played in his mind. A small part of him couldn’t help but question why exactly Adam had been chosen. What did John see in him that warranted a second chance? Of course, to answer that Logan would have to ask why John was giving Amanda a second chance, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever get an answer for that.

And then he wished he could ask more specifics about Adam’s game in the hopes to better understand him and plan ahead. However, John had given him little. He didn’t know what had happened to Dr. Gordon. From the way John had talked, it sounded like he had won but he was still considered missing by the police. Just one phone call could at least answer if Lawrence Gordon was alive.

Calling wasn’t in the instructions though. It was an irritating fact but Logan understood why. John didn’t want Logan getting pulled back in, especially as these final games began to ramp up. There was a large likelihood that the police were going to track him down now. Those closest to him would be at risk as things started to come to an end. The police would likely find the connection between John and Amanda but it didn’t mean the others weren’t at risk too, including Logan if he tried to stay involved. Maybe if Logan didn’t have Christine…

But no, there wasn’t any point in questioning that. He loved her so much he was going to marry her. However, the situation with Adam could become more complicated as time went on. Logan supposed he’d just have to deal with the challenges that came forward.

The day wore on, Logan only being able to tell the time by his watch or a quick glance at his phone. Adam stayed silent through the afternoon when he was awake. He didn’t ask for more water or claim to be hungry. However, he relented every time Logan offered something.

Again, he was trying to retain his autonomy but knew the game had to be followed.

Logan couldn’t quite keep the yawning at bay as the afternoon turned to night. He’d stayed awake for longer than twenty-four hours before, because of the army, being the acting doctor, long nights in the morgue, the reasons varied. However, it had been a while since that kind of time had been required of him. He’d need to sleep tonight, at least for a little bit. With that in mind, he decided it was time to see if Adam could hold any solids down.

“Alright,” sighed Logan, “let’s see how you hold down some simple bread.”

Logan got some scratchy cloth that he balled up and got under Adam’s head. He propped him up a bit more in readying him to eat and then fed him the small portions.

“You feel like you’re going to throw up?”

“No,” Adam murmured.

“Good. We’ll leave it at this but we’ll try for more tomorrow,” replied Logan.

He readjusted the makeshift pillow so it was more comfortable for Adam, though not by much. Logan checked the restraints again. Adam hadn’t even bothered to try and push against them except for that one screaming match. He knew better than to waste what little strength he had.

Logan then went and grabbed a dirty sheet to cover Adam up so he didn’t get too cold in the night before he started to turn off some of the lights.

“No!”

Logan paused, slowly turning to look at Adam. He made sure it was obvious how ridiculous he thought the demand was. Did Adam really think he could order him around like this? Just to make a point, Logan went to turn another light off.

“No! Oh-p-please! No I-please no!”

This time Logan didn’t turn off the light, instead choosing to walk over and lean over Adam again.

“I thought we established you don’t have any control over this situation.”

“I-I know. I just-please? Please don’t put me in the dark.”

Logan’s eyes traveled up and down Adam’s face. So this was one power that he could easily hold over him. What a useful thing to know.

“And if I told you no?” Logan softly asked.

Tears started to prick at the corners of Adam’s eyes. “I don’t-I can’t do it. Not again. Please L-Logan.”

The seconds ticked by, slow and long as Logan mulled the options over in his head. Adam looked terrified. There was no question of that. It made Logan want to give in but he feared that would set a bad precedent. Besides, perhaps going through with this would give him further insight on how Adam had changed after the game and how much more changing would need to occur.

“Alright Adam. That’s not a problem.”

Logan could feel Adam relax against the hand he’d placed on his shoulder. Logan walked away, going in and out of the room to make his own temporary bed. It was only at the last moment that Logan suddenly turned off the light from before. The room wasn’t even entirely dark though that probably didn’t matter to Adam.

“Y-you said—”

“You might as well still be in that room. I need to make sure you understand that.”

Adam didn’t respond or yell but the way his breathing quickened and became more pained was obvious. Logan walked to his makeshift bed as he imagined Adam lying there terrified in the dark.


	4. Awareness of Your Faults

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time it's Adam's point of view woo! I think most of this story will actually be from Adam's point of view but we'll just have to wait and see. Enjoy!

Since all the lights weren’t off, Adam should have been able to see something. His eyes should have been able to adjust to the low lighting by now. It didn’t matter though. The panic was setting in. He could barely feel any of the restraints except for the one on his bruised ankle.

His breathing stayed quick and panicked despite how he tried to stay in control. He didn’t say a word, afraid of how it would sound. Would the words echo against the walls? Bounce off the dirty, broken, white tiles? It shouldn’t. He wasn’t there and yet his body and mind couldn’t fully believe that.

For a split second, Adam had thought a miracle had happened when his eyes had cracked open to the light. It had hurt so damn much but Adam had gladly taken on the pain. He would feel that again and again if it meant he was out. And he had thought he was safe. Lawrence had gone back. They were alive! They were out!

Only the fantasy hadn’t lasted as Adam had become more aware of his surroundings. Lawrence hadn’t come back for him. Adam didn’t even know if he was alive and he was very much still stuck. Yet despite that, a new face had been there. Even if Logan was involved like Zepp or perhaps more in control like the man on the floor, Jigsaw, just having someone to talk with and see helped Adam’s sanity.

The irony of that of course didn’t escape Adam. He really would have preferred anyone else short of Jigsaw but he would take what he could get with this. But now Logan was gone and Adam was in the dark again and he just couldn’t breathe.

It inched in as his bruised ankle felt colder and colder. He tried pulling away but he was chained to the pipe. The smell of rotting flesh filled his nose as the taste of iron flooded his mouth. He wasn’t there but-no he was! He was trapped again! No one was coming for him. He was going to waste away. He was going to die.

“Lawrence!” The scream suddenly ripped through Adam’s throat. He had to try! He would die trying to find Lawrence again. The tears started to fall as Adam tried to reach to where he knew the large metal door had to be. If only he could get to it! “Lawrence no! Don’t leave me! Please oh god, don’t! Don’t Lawrence!”

For a second, the words became more broken. They got stuck in his throat as he became a blubbering mess. But with a sudden disruption, almost like a hiccup, his throat cleared and Adam let out the loudest, most blood curdling scream he could. One final act of desperation for just anyone, anyone to hear him—

“You really think you’re there.”

The lights seemed to come on all at once with Logan standing over him. No way could he have just appeared there and have been the one who turned the lights on at the same time. The darkness…Adam had become so encroached in it that he’d begun to lose his grip on reality. He looked down and saw the restraints on him instead of the single, metal shackle. He was flat on his back instead of on his stomach reaching for a closed exit.

“I’m surprised he’s who you called for,” Logan commented. He grabbed a stool and sat by Adam.

It was hard to tell if a lot of time had passed or not with no windows to the outside. Adam couldn’t tell if Logan had just gotten up or not. He looked well rested or at least aware for the moment. Maybe a lot of time had passed and Logan had woken up some time ago. Maybe he had walked round and round Adam, watching him shiver and shake until he couldn’t take it anymore and he’d just screamed.

Or maybe five minutes had passed and Logan hadn’t slept at all. Adam didn’t know.

Logan got him water, propping his head up a bit more again. Once Adam’s throat was cleared, he still chose not to speak. The choice had Logan narrowing his eyes as he now asked, “Why would you call for Dr. Gordon?”

Usually if Adam had tried to ignore a question, Logan had just spoken over him or seemed content with the silence. However, there was an intensity in his eyes that hadn’t been there before and his comments were much more direct. “Why do you care?”

“John gave Dr. Gordon the instructions to kill you in order for him to win the game. Yet he was the one who you called out to.”

Adam jolted as he got confirmation on one of his suspicions. “You helped.”

“Not really. I mean, I did have some input on the location, but John was the one who orchestrated it all.”

“You’ve said that name before. Who the hell is John?”

“He was the one with you in the game. You probably know him by the papers’ name for him. Jigsaw,” Logan replied. From his tone of voice, it seemed he didn’t really like it. “But I want to know why you called for _him_.”

“There wasn’t anyone-well I didn’t think anyone else would hear me. Who else was I supposed to call for?” asked Adam with some mild confusion.

“But you weren’t in that room.”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure I fucking was.”

“I meant right now. What you were going through was a mixture of a memory, a bad dream, and a fantasy all neatly rolled up into one. You had the opportunity to change it. You could have called out to someone else and yet you didn’t.”

“Why the hell does it even matter?”

Logan cocked his head to the side. “You’re starting to get angry.”

“Yeah I’m angry.” Adam paused and really thought about it though. Before he’d been weak, which he still was but going through that dream or illusion or whatever the hell it was and making it out alive, well it kind of changed things. Because yes, he was still in the game and at the hands of this guy rather than Jigsaw, but that didn’t mean things had to end like last time. He’d been too passive, unwilling to make the choices that needed to be made in order to survive, not including how it had ended with Zepp of course. But now he was staring down his new kidnapper and he had a few choice words to say. “Yeah, I’m fucking angry!”

Logan snorted. “Uh huh.”

“I had my life ripped from me! For no fucking reason! I was put in a god damn unwinnable game with no fucking goals and now I don’t even know what this new fucking game’s rules are! Not that it matters because it’s probably twisted around and makes dick sense! I’ve been kidnapped and tortured and starved near to death and I am fucking pissed!”

Adam stopped as his chest heaved and his throat burned. At least this time Adam felt proud of his words. If this all went to shit, at least he’d spoken his mind before he was killed.

But Logan didn’t get angry in response, though Adam supposed he should have expected that. A normal fucking person would have at least felt something negative about being called out and would have gotten defensive. Or if not that then they at least would have admitted to their fucking faults! But there couldn’t be anything normal about a guy who was willing to work for Jigsaw.

“You didn’t understand, did you?” sighed Logan.

“What the hell was there to understand? That psycho put me in his damn torture chamber and booked himself front row seats for his torture porn viewing—argh!”

Adam choked on his words as he felt Logan grab at his throat. He flashed back to being choked by an unknown assailant, thinking he would die then and there. At least he’d been able to struggle though, even if it had been weakly. Here all he could do was strain against the restraints as he tried to choke out the word ‘stop’.

“John is trying to teach you, you god damn idiot! Only you’re clearly too stupid to understand.”

“I-I’m s-sor… pl-ease jus..”

“An unwinnable game that made no sense? If you had even half listened to John’s words you and Dr. Gordon would have gotten out. You both would have lived,” growled Logan before he finally let go.

Adam coughed, trying to suck in as much air as he quickly could. If he could, he would have curled into a tight ball, turning his back on all this. He would have disappeared from the world, or at least attempted to. All he could do was close his eyes though and he’d just gotten out of the dark. He didn’t want to go back so soon, even if it was different.

He glanced over to Logan, watching as the man was clearly thinking about something. He was trying to make a decision and Adam wouldn’t have been surprised if it was about whether or not he should let Adam keep living.

 Adam quickly cleared his throat as he feared his pushiness had been too much. “O-ok. I am pretty stupid,” he quickly admitted. “I mean, I did kind of shit in school and dropped out of college. So um…how about you explain it to me. Because I probably won’t get it unless you do.”

Logan’s eyes narrowed as he slowly leaned in. Adam desperately hoped he’d made the right decision. Maybe if he seemed willing to learn, then Logan would see reason to keep him alive.

With bated breath, Adam stared into Logan’s eyes. They felt cold and in this instance, unreadable. Anything could happen and Adam would be powerless to stop it.

Second…after second passed…

Oh god this was too much! Adam almost wanted to scream again just so something different could happen rather than Logan just staring at him. God damn it! Give him an answer! Anything! Just do—

“John called you the voyeur.”

Adam released a shaky breath. He waited for Logan to say more but when he didn’t, Adam quickly nodded. Was that what he wanted? Some form of conformation?

It seemed so as Logan finally started talking again. “You were detached from everything. You didn’t participate in life. You watched others and then twisted their mistakes and misery into cash for yourself.”

“You have to make a living though! How can I be—” Adam quickly shut up at that as Logan’s gaze turned hard again. He waited silently for Logan to continue.

“And do you know why Dr. Gordon was there?”

“Because, like, he cheated-or almost cheated-or whatever on his wife?”

“That’s all?”

“What else was there!!? The tapes didn’t say anything else!”

And finally Logan looked pleased which honestly just confused Adam more. “Exactly, you only thought about the tapes.”

“What else was there to think about?”

“Dr. Gordon neglected everything in his life. Not just his wife and kid but his patients as well. His compassion had waned over the years until it was nonexistent. And you weren’t a real part of the living. You lived off others. But if both of you had looked past that, if you had lived in the moment and had acted how John had wished, then you both would have made a sacrifice there.

“Gordon needed to learn compassion again. You needed to learn how to live again, to be a part of something. You both could have worked together. You could have sawed off your feet and left and gotten to the police and saved yourselves and Gordon’s family. Zepp’s game…I’m sure there was an alternate path he could have taken too but he chose to try and kill the family anyways and then Dr. Gordon.”

“B-but what if we had bled out—”

“If proper time had been taken to prepare yourselves rather than done at the last minute, you would have lasted much longer. And believe me, there were parts in place that would have allowed you to go down that path.”

“But the tape didn’t—”

“It was never about the tapes. It was about your own awareness of your faults. Something which the game should have made you aware of. I can’t speak for Dr. Gordon but clearly it did not teach you about yours.”

Adam was silent for several, long painful seconds as tears started to prick at his eyes. They could have-they could have— “We could have gotten out?”

“Yes, but instead you’re here for another game. Congratulations Adam. Let’s see if you can make it out of this one any more successfully.”


End file.
